the tax mans reply

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mikeysaling
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the tax mans reply

Post by mikeysaling »

This is a real reply from the Inland Revenue. The Guardian newspaper had to ask for special permission to print it.
>
> Dear Mr Addison,
>
> I am writing to you to express our thanks for your more than prompt reply to our latest communication, and also to answer some of the points you raise. I will address them, as ever, in order.
>
> Firstly, I must take issue with your description of our last as a "begging letter". It might perhaps more properly be referred to as a "tax demand". This is how we at the Inland Revenue have always, for reasons of accuracy, traditionally referred to such documents.
>
> Secondly, your frustration at our adding to the "endless stream of crapulent whining and panhandling vomit fed daily through the letterbox on to the doormat" has been noted. However, whilst I have naturally not seen the other letters to which you refer I would cautiously suggest that their being from "pauper councils, Lombardy pirate banking houses and pissant gas-mongerers" might indicate that your decision to "file them next to the toilet in case of emergencies" is at best a little ill-advised. In common with my own organisation, it is unlikely that the senders of these letters do see you as a "lackwit bumpkin" or, come to that, a "sodding charity". More likely they see you as a citizen of Great Britain , with a responsibility to contribute to the upkeep of the nation as a whole.
>
> Which brings me to my next point. Whilst there may be some spirit of truth in your assertion that the taxes you pay "go to shore up the canker-blighted, toppling folly that is the Public Services", a moment's rudimentary calculation ought to disabuse you of the notion that the government in any way expects you to "stump up for the whole damned party" yourself. The estimates you provide for the Chancellor's disbursement of the funds levied by taxation, whilst colourful, are, in fairness, a little off the mark. Less than you seem to imagine is spent on "junkets for Bunterish lickspittles" and "dancing whores" whilst far more than you have accounted for is allocated to, for example, "that box-ticking facade of a university system."
>
> A couple of technical points arising from direct queries:
>
> 1. The reason we don't simply write "Muggins"on the envelope has to do with the vagaries of the postal system;
>
> 2. You can rest assured that "sucking the very marrow of those with nothing else to give" has never been considered as a practice because even if the Personal Allowance didn't render it irrelevant, the sheer medical logistics involved would make it financially unviable.
>
> I trust this has helped. In the meantime, whilst I would not in any way wish to influence your decision one way or the other, I ought to point out that even if you did choose to "give the whole foul jamboree up and go and live in India " you would still owe us the money.
>
> Please send it to us by Friday.
>
>
> Yours sincerely,
> H J Lee
> Customer Relations
> Inland Revenue
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John
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Re: the tax mans reply

Post by John »

In spite of supplying them with similar material, replies that I have had from "The Revenue" have never been nearly as humorous - in fact not in the least funny!

I wish I could bring myself to believe that this is genuine.

But either way, it is hilarious. :)
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Re: the tax mans reply

Post by mikeysaling »

apparently it is true!! doesn't surprise me - some tax guys and gals do have a sense of humour!!

:clap:

when i worked in california - i sent them (salford office) apostcard from disneyland - they sent back a postcard of salford!!!!

:Slap:
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Re: the tax mans reply

Post by prospero »

I once asked a tax inspector if I should employ an accountant. He told me my accounts as submitted were fine (despite being written in longhand on two sheets of paper). I would still have the same amount of work to do if I did have an accountant. And that if there were any errors, it would be me that got it in the neck and not the accountant.

Can't say fairer than that. :lol:
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Re: the tax mans reply

Post by Bill Henry »

There was a story a few years ago about some disgruntled tax payer who, in an effort to needle the IRS, fill out his form in roman numerals. He was due a refund.

Some IRS employee got even with him by filling out the refund check also in roman numerals.

The problem came when that the taxpayer had to go to several banks before he found one to cash the check.

The IRS always wins!
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mikeysaling
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Re: the tax mans reply

Post by mikeysaling »

must have got it cashed at bank of america - the italian bank !!

Bank of America's history dates to 1904, when Amadeo Giannini founded the Bank of Italy in San Francisco to cater to immigrants who were denied service from other banks.[24][25] Amadeo was raised by the Fava/Stanghellini family when his father was shot while trying to collect on a $10.00 debt.[citation needed] When the 1906 San Francisco earthquake struck, Giannini was able to get all deposits out of the bank building and away from the fires. Because San Francisco's banks were in smoldering ruins and unable to open their vaults, Giannini was able to use the rescued funds to start lending within a few days of the disaster. From a makeshift desk of a few planks over two barrels, he loaned money to anyone who was willing to rebuild. Later in life, he took great pride that all of these loans were repaid.
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