Pirate Joke

[Dermot]

A pirate walked into a bar and the bartender said, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible."

"What do you mean?" said the pirate, "I feel fine."

"What about the wooden leg?" the bartender asks. "You didn't have that before."

"Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm fine now." says the pirate.

"Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your hand?" asked the bartender.

"We were in another battle." replied the pirate. "I boarded a ship and got into a sword fight My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really."

So the bartender asks, "What about that eye patch?"

The pirate replies, "Oh, one day we were at sea, and a flock of sea gulls flew over. I looked up and one of them pooped in my eye."

"You're kidding, said the bartender, "you couldn't lose an eye just from bird poop."

The pirate responds, "It was my first day with the hook."

Courtesy of Larson Juhl New Zealand

[prospero]

Where did Blackbeard keep his bucaneers?







On either side of his sodding head.

[Bill Henry]

What do you call a stupid pirate?
The pillage idiot!

[kev@frames]

why are they called pirates?
because they "arrrrr"

[griff buch]

Where did Blackbeard keep his bucaneers?

or .... underneath his buc'n hat.

[prospero]

A man goes into a pet shop dresssed as Long John Silver. He notices a look of bemusement on the face of the petshop man, so he is prompted to explain: "Don't be alarmed", he says. "I am playing Long John Silver in the local Am Dram societie's production of Treasure Island. I am really into method acting, so I like everything to be as realistic as possible. So I am wearing the costume all the time during the rehearsal phase". "Oh, right....", replies the petshop man. "And what can I do for you?". "I would like a parrot please", says the man. "Oh I see", says the petshop man. "That's a pity. I sold the last one this morning. I have some parrakeets". "No.", says the man. "I insist on total authenticity in my work. It may be just a little play by a local society in a local village hall. but that's no excuse not to pay attention to the details".
"What about a mynah bird?", says the petshop man. "They look a bit like a parrot and they can talk". "Sorry. Won't do. Long John Silver had a parrot. A mynah bird is not the same thing. I insist on total authenticity". "Well could you not get a stuffed parrot? Be much less trouble".
"No no no", says the man indignantly. "It has to be a real live parrot. Do you want me to look a fool? "
"Fair enough", says the petshop man. "I'll tell you what. I have a parrot at home. You can borrow him if you like. He's always wanted to get into show biz. I'll bring him in tomorrow".
"Oh. That's enormously kind of you. But I can't make tomorrow", says the man. "I'm having my leg off."