The observer's book of flumbs

[Roboframer]

There are so many different types of flumb, (flumbus) some common; some not quite so and some extremely uncommon - and they cause such grief - that I think it would be a good idea to have them identified and catalogued along with their descriptions, most common causes and most effective precautionary/removal procedures.

I was going to take this project on alone, but I know that it will enrage the flumb pervert (flumbus convertere) so much that I think the onus should be shared and am hoping for FATG/PPFA backing on this serious issue.

Here are few common or workshop flumbs you can no doubt identify with, I have my own descriptions and theories on causes and precautionary/removal procedures - even some photos, but I do not want to concentrate flumbus convertere's attentions to the source of this assault on him or it will fail, it has to be a joint effort.

The hair flumb (flumbus capillos)
The silver foil flumb (flumbus argentum claua)
The gold foil flumb (flumbus aurum claua)
The lint flumb (flumbus linamentum)
The self adhesive flumb (flumbus sui tenaces)
The only-visible-to-customer flumb (flumbus tantum visibilis ad ipsum)
The common dust flumb (flumbus commune pulverem)

Please add your own descriptions, photos and precautionary/removal procedures to these - plus other types of flumb, with their Latin names (this will not only help to catalogue but will also help to confuse flumbus convertere because he is only fluent in one language in this dimension - Icelandic).

Don't try and share all you know - at least not in one go - or even ten goes - he'll get you if you do. I don't think I've got long, it was me that exposed him to the framing world in the first place but now, FLUMBUS CONVERTERE - it's showdown time - MUUUUAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAA.

[Not your average framer]

Hi John,

I don't know what fancy name you will allocate for this one, but it's "the catch me if you can" type which keeps moving and hiding when you try to get it. You have to sneak up on it when it does not suspect that you are after it!

[Jonny2morsos]

? flumbus erraticus

[Tudor Rose]

[fineedge]

Flumbus Formicidae - a live one
Once fetched some correx in the garage to use between two mounts for some depth - finished up the job and when I checked it later the live flumb was walking around on the inside of the glass - obviously the ant had been in the flute of the correx and became anxious in its new sealed environment

[Jonny2morsos]

The flumb that comes from a piece of soft wood that you would have liked to return to the supplier but the jobs going out tomorrow and there is not time to get a replacement:

flumbus crapwoodii

[IFGL]

The printed flumb, a hair or any other flumb printed or otherwise embeded within the art work, the customer is adamant was not there when they brought it in.

Flumbus greavious

[Trinity]

Flumbus phantomus - it's not there - then you see it - you open up the frame and make it disappear - reseal and beggar me it reappears.

[Roboframer]

Flumbus barfus.....

Images that you'd rather not look at at all, let alone have to frame - like a big fat bald sunburned blerk in gut-spilled-over speedos, sprawled out in a deckchair on Bognor beach.

Flumbus barfus will be right in his crotch.

[prospero]

[Roboframer]

That is fabulous!

[Roboframer]

One of the worst types of flumb is flumbus Sententia felix punkus the 'feeling lucky, punk'? flumb which works with a large group of flumbus invideo - the grudge-bearing flumb.

Flumbus invideo is the flumb that really really thought it had got you - but you spotted it at the last moment before fitting/sealing. They get together and plot their evil revenge, they will assemble out of sight on the edges of glass, in the frame rebate, underneath floated artwork and just under a mount bevel - or in all of those places.

They press-gang a tiny rookie flumb (flumbus inceptos) and train it to flumbus Sententia felix punkus status. This flumb is the one that, after all sealing and fitting of hardware, you think you can get away with, it's soooo miniscule and well camouflaged. It could look, for example, like the shadow that a corner of a mount bevel creates - or, on a flecked mount it's just another fleck - just ever so slightly larger/smaller/darker/lighter than the rest ........................ you could just leave it there - no-one else is going to see it, no way.

But they know you too well, and they're all there, waiting, sniggering. Come on punk, make our day - was it just one flumb you expelled today, or one hundred and one, we've lost count.

Just a little tap will move that speck over a speck that's supposed to be there, just a little tap will make that miniscule hair fall under the mount bevel .... juuuuust a liiiiiitle tap.

TAP!

WAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!! where did all those ******* ********* ############'s come from!!

[strokebloke]

I don't understand what you're all making such a fuss about.
In my two and a half weeks (almost) of picture framing, I haven't come across one single flumb yet.
Perhaps they're more repelled by me, than I am by them.
Perhaps I need to go to SpecSavers
Maybe I'm just a natural born - scrupulously clean - framer

Maybe I've just got it all to come !!

Footprints ?
Foot prints Mr Prospero ?
How do you frame pictures?

[Roboframer]

Flumbus convertere is known for breeding a false sense of security in framers. I have a new framer who is quite sane at the moment.

[strokebloke]

I have a new framer who is quite sane at the moment.

Really ?? Did you acquire him like that?
Is that normal?
Will he stay that way for long??

[Roboframer]

He's a she - a very good (honours degree) artist that we already knew well as a customer, does very intricate stuff like feathers and insects, a 'meticulous' sort of person.

I had no choice but to train her on 'live' stuff - customer orders - so started her on final assembly. One of her first jobs was a medal frame with museum glass and a dark blue suedette mount - the flumb pervert's dream. But she had it all sealed up and flumb-free faster than I could ever hope for.

She's been with us for 3 weeks and has only cut her finger once, opening a new packet of blades. She's not normal.

[strokebloke]

Sounds frightening. Perhaps it's a gender thing.
I'd keep well away from her if I were you.
You could get deceived into expecting her performance to be the 'norm'

[prospero]

There is the Burrowing Flumb (flumbus scabulous) which actually lives just under the surface of mountboard. You don't see it until you put glass over it and it then appears as a tiny black spot. Upon trying to gently remove it with a scalpel, you find that it is much bigger than it appears and the rest of the body is quite big. By the time you have scraped it all out you have a huge hole. These are usually found near the edges of the board where you could have easily cut around them so they are in the waste mb had you spotted them earlier.