The Framin' Workshop Blues

Post by **John** » Wed 25 Jul, 2007 5:02 pm

In the workshop we had a laugh, someone tried to sing the blues with a very posh accent and we discovered that the results were hilarious. So for a bit of guidance I turned to the Internet and this is what I found: -

RULES FOR PLAYING THE BLUES

The following tips for aspiring songwriters were forwarded by Marcella Pry and Lonnie "Lonnie the Talking Harmonica" Glosson. Lonnie is still performing at 92. Here are some tips for any of you pursuing a career in the blues-music world:

1. Many blues songs begin with "Woke up this mornin'....." This is to differentiate blues musicians from most other musicians, who sleep past noon.

2. The nice thing about the blues is that once you've written the first line, you're pretty much done with the second line, too.

3. Chevys and Cadillacs are blues cars.
Other acceptable blues modes of transportation are as follows:
Greyhound bus
Southbound train
Walkin'

Unacceptable modes of transportation for the blues:
Any non-U.S. car (Volvo, Fiat, Honda, etc.)
Touring bike
Cruise ship
Motor scooter
Roller blades

4. Teenagers shouldn't sing the blues until they're old enough to get the electric chair if they shoot a man in Memphis. You can have the blues in New York City. St. Louis, Chicago, and Kansas City are other good blues towns. You cannot have the blues in Vail, The Hamptons, or any town whose name ends in "Beach."

6. Shot in the back by a jealous lover is a blues way to die. So is the electric chair. It is not a blues death if you die during liposuction treatment.

7. You have the right to sing the blues if:
You're blind
You shot a man in Memphis
You can't be satisfied

But not if:
You once were blind but now can see
You shot an 85 at golf
Your Dad left you a trust fund

8. Good places for the blues:
A highway
A jailhouse
An empty bed
A freight train

9. Bad places for the blues:
Yellowstone National Park
The country club
Gallery openings
Indoor tennis courts

10. If you ask for water and yo' baby give you gasoline, that's the blues.

Other blues drinks include:
Wine
Whiskey
Muddy water

Blues beverages do not include:Any drink with a little umbrella
Any wine kosher for Passover
Yoo Hoo (all flavors)
Jello shots

11. Picking a blues name:
start with an infirmity (Blind, Li'l, Fat, Lame, Clubfoot)
add Willie, Johnny, or Joe
Pick a U.S. President (Washington, Johnson, Fillmore, Roosevelt, etc.)
Persons with names like Ashley, Brittney, Chad, Kimberly, Cissy, Brad, or Skip may not sing the blues, no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

For example: "Blind Johnny" Harding

So anybody got any ideas for The Picture Framer's Blues?

I'll do the hard part.

Woke up this Mornin...

Moglet · Post by **Moglet** » Wed 25 Jul, 2007 5:37 pm

Feelin' so sick I thought I was dead....

Post by **prospero** » Wed 25 Jul, 2007 6:03 pm

# Woke up this mornin', someone had stolen my goddam harmonica#

foxyframer · Post by **foxyframer** » Wed 25 Jul, 2007 8:36 pm

Woke up this mornin' - someone overnight had a bad case of diarrhoea on the doorstep.

GROSS

Knew it was gonna be a good day.

That's the picture framers blues Billy Bob.

Roboframer · Post by **Roboframer** » Wed 25 Jul, 2007 10:22 pm

Woke up this mornin' no framin' in my head.
A night on the curry an' it's an empty bed.

(Duraing Duraing ....... Duraing Duraing)

Open them curtains, man sure looks like rain..
Make me some coffee, gotta make that Southbound train.

Duraing Duraing ..........Duraing Duraing

Duraing Duraing ........... Duraing Duraing

Shot a man in Memphis - that's the name of the print
It's not a Picasso, think it's a Clint

Duraing Duraing ................... Duraing Duraing

Mrs Tightwad says Big Johnny Ray - know you'll frame it good
But I'd not pay ya a nickel, even if I could

(Duraing etc)

I says Mrs Tightwad, go blow it out your ass
Go jump on that Greyhound - with your bus pass

(Duraing ......)

Got the framers blues - yeah the framers blues
Got nothin' but framin' - from ma' hair to ma' shoes

(Duraing ....)

Mah dawg got run over by mah Nielsen rep - high on drugs an' strife
Gonna miss that ole dawg - have to drink with the wife

(Duraing .....)

(TBC....)

Moglet · Post by **Moglet** » Wed 25 Jul, 2007 10:29 pm

- I've got tears coming out of my eyes!!!

Calligrapher and musician!

Post by **John** » Thu 26 Jul, 2007 10:13 am

Robo, I laughed so much that I've lost my blues.

I'm going to have to start on a new one.

Working title:The Blues Song That Jus' Done Blew Away My Blues Blues
Woke up this mornin, a'most had a fit
Read Roboframers blues, laughed so much my sides near split

(Duraing Duraing ....... Duraing Duraing)...

Not your average framer · Thu 26 Jul, 2007 10:16 pm

Hi John (Robo),

We can't top that! How many more hidden talents do you have. I'm waiting for the verse about the blind blues singing framer! Or how about "The good ol' thunderfly blues"

sarah · Post by **sarah** » Fri 27 Jul, 2007 11:01 am

Robo I need a new keyboard there's coffee all over this one.

That is superb!!!!

Roboframer · Post by **Roboframer** » Sat 28 Jul, 2007 8:04 pm

Thank You, Thank You, I Thhhhhhhhhank you.

Working on a sequel!

Or more verses!

How do you write the noise a blues harmonica makes?

Sort of HooommmmWaaakawkawakaWaaaaaaa ?

Not your average framer · Sat 28 Jul, 2007 8:52 pm

Hi John,

What about the Tru-Vue, (this way round - that way round) blues?

Roboframer · Post by **Roboframer** » Sat 28 Jul, 2007 9:43 pm

Not your average framer wrote:Hi John,

What about the Tru-Vue, (this way round - that way round) blues?

Gits me a box of Tru Vu, from Deaf old Ben
If I gotta score it, I'll give it three outah ten

Hoom-wah-Hoom-wah .......... Hoom-wah-Hoom-wah