Things you should be prosecuted for

Roboframer · Post by **Roboframer** » Sat 30 Jun, 2007 10:08 pm

From another topic ......

John wrote: I kind of resented being forced to do something that otherwise I would have done quite willingly. If you see what I mean?

I think you should be prosecuted for walking on the wrong side of the road (where there is no pavement - or sidewalk) I think it states in the highway code that pedestrians should walk FACING ONCOMING TRAFFIC, which makes perfect sense and which I always do - you have two senses to rely on then - sight and sound.

But I think they should add that if walking on the road - pavement or not - with a child/children, you should (in addition to walking on the right) ensure that the child/children are on the inside.

2 more people would be alive in this village alone if these things were law and they were enforced.

Post by **John** » Sun 01 Jul, 2007 4:36 am

Isn't this what the other thread is about?

Oops, I get it now.

Yes, you're right Robo, we don't have nearly enough laws.

Lets have some more!

How about: - Always drive on the left, unless you are overtaking. Or do we already have that one? I'm not sure.
(Our American cousins might want to draft a slightly different version of this law.)

I should point out, Robo, that your law as it stands is too simplistic. You would have to draft in an exception that would allow the pedestrian to cross to the 'wrong' side of the road rather than facing the approaching traffic hugging the inside edge of a 'blind' bend. Perhaps a study could be done to determine just at what radius this exception would apply. Then we could write a whole new law that would require that pedestrians could not venture out without carrying the surveying equipment necessary to calculate the curvature of each bend in the road so that they could always promenade at maximum safety.

Alternatively, how about a law that requires that pedestrians on a bend be preceded by someone carrying a red flag?

Yes, I know that there are those who will scoff at my idea, but surely if it saved even one life, would it not be worth it?

foxyframer · Post by **foxyframer** » Sun 01 Jul, 2007 6:58 am

An infants school near us has supplied its children with little fluorescent banded jackets. The accompanying teachers; front, middle and rear, have none.

Bill Henry · Post by **Bill Henry** » Tue 03 Jul, 2007 5:08 pm

People in grocery stores who stop in the aisles and park their shopping carts perpendicular to the shelves (while chatting with a friend they haven’t seen for 15 minutes) should have their shoes nailed to the floor.

People who use their mobile phone while in a theater should be forced to dismantle the device and ingest the electronic chips therein from either end of their alimentary canal.

People who throw rubbish from their car window should be buried in a smoldering, toxic landfill.

osgood · Post by **osgood** » Tue 03 Jul, 2007 7:54 pm

All idiots should be strangled. Especially the ones who run custom framing shops and wouldn't know their arse from their elbow! (That wouldn't leave many would it?)

Roboframer · Post by **Roboframer** » Tue 03 Jul, 2007 8:03 pm

People that eat fried eggs wrong should be prosecuted.

I hate it when someone goes straight for the yolk - you're supposed to leave it until very last - keeping 3 pieces of toast back measuring EXACTLY 3 x 2 inches.

Also chip shops that don't apply salt and vinegar correctly - just a splash of vinegar that only touches the top few chips - most bounces off, then a measly dash of salt - that sticks to the vinegar.

Salt first - dash and shake, dash and shake - so it sifts through the bag, folllowed by vinegar ditto. Chips (fries) are simply long thing fried potatoes until salt and vinegar is added and I like my chips to be chips to the very last one!

There should also be a nice little pool of salt & vinegar at the bottom of the bag too - to mop up with the last few chips.

osgood · Post by **osgood** » Tue 03 Jul, 2007 8:41 pm

People who have Vinegar on their chips! Everyone knows that chips should be eaten with tomato sauce (ketchup) applied when the chips are still hot!

Roboframer · Post by **Roboframer** » Tue 03 Jul, 2007 8:45 pm

No class - no class at all!

Moglet · Post by **Moglet** » Tue 03 Jul, 2007 8:48 pm

I'm with you Roboframer! That was a chip shop masterclass!!!

osgood · Post by **osgood** » Tue 03 Jul, 2007 8:49 pm

Roboframer wrote:No class - no class at all!

Class???? from the descendant of convicts(first fleeters, you know) ......come, come, now!

Not your average framer · Tue 03 Jul, 2007 8:52 pm

No one has mentioned pickled onions, eggs or gerkins. What happened to those? I can't remember seeing them in a chip shop for years. Did they go out with the newspaper?

Spit · Post by **Spit** » Tue 03 Jul, 2007 8:59 pm

I think they've been replaced by battered mars bars....

Roboframer · Post by **Roboframer** » Tue 03 Jul, 2007 9:03 pm

Ah - OK - forgiven Ormond

The perfect chip is 3" long and half an inch square.

Potatoes should not be round things - they only come that way to make them easier to peel.

Also those that do not fry home made chips properly should be prosecuted.

Here is the correct way.

Maris Peers - or whatever does it for you - cut to above spec.

Thermostatically controllled fryer - heat fat (perfectionists insist on beef dripping but my recipe is veggie friendly - Sunflower Oil) to 160 degrees and baste until JUST golden.

Shake and remove onto crumpled kitchen roll until the rest of the stuff is ready - 'The Rest Of The Stuff' will be things that YOU WOULD NOT PUT GRAVY ON - vinegar and gravy - Nooooooooooo!!!

(But a steak and onion pie, with gravy in - is FINE!)

Whack the heat up to 190 - 200 degrees - probably max - and drop the chips back in until they look the right colour.

Crisp outside - soft inside MMMMMMMMMMM!!!

Moglet · Post by **Moglet** » Tue 03 Jul, 2007 9:29 pm

Gawd, I'm hungry....

Can't get Maris Pipers down here. Joys of living in the boonies...

Roboframer · Post by **Roboframer** » Tue 03 Jul, 2007 10:02 pm

Moglet wrote:
Can't get Maris Pipers down here. Joys of living in the boonies...

But can you get Maris Peers?

Much better.

What's a Boonie?

PS - nice signature!

Moglet · Post by **Moglet** » Tue 03 Jul, 2007 10:57 pm

Why thankyou, sir!

Roboframer wrote:But can you get Maris Peers?

Isn't it a sorry day when a Paddy needs educating about spuds!

(Good site, BTW.)

Edited to add:

Boonies - short for "boondocks," aka "the sticks."

Post by **prospero** » Wed 04 Jul, 2007 12:24 am

Firms who have legions of cold-callers who plague businesses on the phone with "we can reduce your line rental" etc......

You all know of what I speak.

If I added up the cost of time wasted in answering these calls it would pay my phone bill until 2068.

Another lot of the same ilk are the ones that sell advertising over the phone on the pretext that it is to help some deserving charities, usually sending sick kiddies to Disneyland or the like. My tactic for these is to say that I never advertise as I am far too exclusive for that, but to avoid coming across like a callous sod I say that I am only too happy to help the poor littel kiddies and if they would give me the address of the charity I will send them a cheque for £1000. That shuts them up. "Oh that's not our policy...blah... blah....".

Then there are the people who perforate the yolk of their fried egg with a chip. Watch out for them. They are not of this earth.

osgood · Post by **osgood** » Wed 04 Jul, 2007 12:39 am

prospero wrote: If I added up the cost of time wasted in answering these calls it would pay my phone bill until 2068.

Why waste any of your time in any conversation with telemarketers. There are many ways to get rid of them quickly. The easiest is to put the phone down and walk away, then come back several minutes later and hang it up!

Moglet · Post by **Moglet** » Wed 04 Jul, 2007 12:58 am

prospero wrote:Then there are the people who perforate the yolk of their fried egg with a chip. Watch out for them. They are not of this earth.

(To the air of a well-known Python tune...)

"I'm an alien, and I'm OK..."

Hanging offence: Throwing chewing gum on the ground. The streets here are thick with it. Great for the gallery floor. NOT!!

Post by **prospero** » Wed 04 Jul, 2007 1:04 am

Ever seen patches of pavement covered with white spots? People assume it is discarded gum, but it's not. And the spooky thing is, nobody has managed to discover what it actually is.