They were posted on an Australian Tourism Website
and the answers are the actual responses by the website officials,
who obviously have a sense of humour.
Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia ? I have never seen it rain on TV,
how do the plants grow? ( UK ).
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.
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Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? ( USA )
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.
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Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? ( Sweden )
A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water.
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Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia ?
Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane , Cairns ,Townsville and Hervey Bay ? ( UK )
A: What did your last slave die of?
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Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia ? ( USA )
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe .
Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the Pacific which does not
... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.
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Q: Which direction is North in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees.
Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.
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Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia ? ( UK )
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.
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Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? ( USA )
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is ...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross,
straight after the hippo races. Come naked.
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Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia ? ( UK )
A: You are a British politician, right?
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Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? ( Germany )
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of vegan hunter/gatherers.
Milk is illegal.
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Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can Dispense rattlesnake serum. ( USA )
A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from.
All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.
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Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia ,
but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. ( USA )
A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because
they drop out of Gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them.
You can scare them off by spraying yourself
with human ur**e before you go out walking.
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Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth.
Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia ? ( USA )
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.
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Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where
the female population is smaller than the male population? ( Italy )
A: Yes, gay night clubs.
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Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia ? ( France )
A: Only at Christmas.
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Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and
I want to contact the Girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross.
Can you help? ( USA )
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour..
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Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? ( USA )
A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first
For all our Australian members (made me Laugh)
For all our Australian members (made me Laugh)
Giclee is just a term for a little squirt making lots of money
Remember conservation Framing is an art, for everything else there's Araldite
Remember conservation Framing is an art, for everything else there's Araldite
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osgood
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osgood
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osgood
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Roboframer
My daughter's name is Rhiannon - quite easy to pronounce 'Ree - ann - on'
But not quite so if you say it properly - you have to really pronounce the 'R' and th 'H' at the same time.
Quite a story to her name http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhiannon#S ... s_Rhiannon
But anyway - I knew if I gave her a beautiful name, she would be beautiful - I think it worked. (25 years old tomorrow)
(Edit - oops gone midnight - make that today)
Nothing to do with Fleetwood Mac either BTW.
(plenty to do with a childhood sweetheart!!)
This was taken last year - she has since dumped Frodo - Ha - no - they just went their separate ways, he was a really nice guy - from some tiny village in NW Scotland - they met working at a ski resort in France - wasn't to be - Ahhhh.
But not quite so if you say it properly - you have to really pronounce the 'R' and th 'H' at the same time.
Quite a story to her name http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Rhiannon#S ... s_Rhiannon
But anyway - I knew if I gave her a beautiful name, she would be beautiful - I think it worked. (25 years old tomorrow)
(Edit - oops gone midnight - make that today)
Nothing to do with Fleetwood Mac either BTW.
(plenty to do with a childhood sweetheart!!)
This was taken last year - she has since dumped Frodo - Ha - no - they just went their separate ways, he was a really nice guy - from some tiny village in NW Scotland - they met working at a ski resort in France - wasn't to be - Ahhhh.
Interesting how names go in and out of favour and how they can give an impression of the person.
I once works on a shift with 5 other guys who were all called George. There was also a man who had worked there for many years and hardly anyone knew his first name and if they did no one used it. They all called him 'Taffy' (yes he was Welsh). His name was Hayden btw.
btw2 King Herod's wife was called Doris.
"What time do you call this!! You've been out slaughtering thise innocents again! My mother was right about you"
I once works on a shift with 5 other guys who were all called George. There was also a man who had worked there for many years and hardly anyone knew his first name and if they did no one used it. They all called him 'Taffy' (yes he was Welsh). His name was Hayden btw.
btw2 King Herod's wife was called Doris.
"What time do you call this!! You've been out slaughtering thise innocents again! My mother was right about you"