Double Entendres

Brass · Post by **Brass** » Sat 05 May, 2018 8:27 am

Does anyone know any good double entendres that I could use on the customers.
It's always good to get a rapport going and a few suggestive lines would be good.

At the moment all I have got is my mount boards line. '50 shades of white' which always goes down well.

Post by **prospero** » Sat 05 May, 2018 9:22 am

A lady once asked me for an example of a double entendre. So I gave her one.

StevenG · Post by **StevenG** » Sat 05 May, 2018 10:24 am

Being a fan of Viz - Finbarr Saunders had quite a few but I'm not so sure they're repeatable amongst the decent folk on here

Mind you, when I think about it there wasn't really an framing related gags (that I can remember anyway)

Could we use 'weighted bottom' in some sense??

poliopete · Post by **poliopete** » Sat 05 May, 2018 12:55 pm

Because I always worked in our frame shop with my wife and being aware that a certain amount of "political correctness" is of importance to some customers, I always made a conscious effort to engage brain before opening mouth

That doesn't mean you can't "aff a laff and a joke" with you customers but a professional demeanour when giving your price is always a good policy IMHO.

Welcome to the FF by the way

Peter.

Post by **prospero** » Sun 06 May, 2018 11:14 am

"Where can I go to get felt?"

kartoffelngeist · Post by **kartoffelngeist** » Mon 07 May, 2018 8:54 am

I'd suggest the seventies.

Then when you find them, I'd then suggest leaving them there and trying to come across as a professional business owner rather than a dirty old man.

Welcome to FF!

louisesimon · Post by **louisesimon** » Tue 08 May, 2018 8:44 am

This was in yesterdays Guradian....

https://www.theguardian.com/culture/201 ... h-bake-off

Post by **prospero** » Tue 08 May, 2018 9:05 am

It strikes me that what you are looking for are witty sayings rather than the double entendres. In the latter,
the second part of the 'double' more-or-less has to be sexual in nature. Most folks would take it all in good
part, but others may take extreme offence. Best avoid such attempts at humour if I were you.

You've got them in the shop. That's 90% of the battle. Don't drive them away.

btw. '50 shades of white' is more of a pun than a DE.

And it's a bit dated to boot.

Brass · Post by **Brass** » Tue 08 May, 2018 9:23 am

prospero wrote:It strikes me that what you are looking for are witty sayings rather than the double entendres. In the latter,
the second part of the 'double' more-or-less has to be sexual in nature. Most folks would take it all in good
part, but others may take extreme offence. Best avoid such attempts at humour if I were you.
You've got them in the shop. That's 90% of the battle. Don't drive them away.

btw. '50 shades of white' is more of a pun than a DE. And it's a bit dated to boot.

OK, so not really double entendres, witty saying are far better.
What's your response to "I'm looking to get something framed."
"Well, You come to the right place" isn't terribly funny as an ice breaker.

I guess it's more like having a bunch of framing jokes that you can pull up on a regular basis like " I've been known to paint a bit myself. I did the bathroom door last weekend."

Oh, and 50 shades isn't old. The 3rd film was released on the 9th of Feb.

David McCormack · Post by **David McCormack** » Tue 08 May, 2018 9:49 am

Isn't it the customers who are generally the comedians!?

Chris2103 · Post by **Chris2103** » Tue 08 May, 2018 11:18 am

Double entendres can be funny but can also be very damaging. Best used when a rapport has been built or with people you know so they have a measure of who and what you are, certainly not as an ice breaker. Delivered to strangers could cause irreparable damage.

Light hearted jokes are far better.

While the shades of grey films are still being released, the 50 shades of white has been doing the rounds for a while and has lost its originality.

Rainbow · Post by **Rainbow** » Tue 08 May, 2018 12:33 pm

Brass wrote: What's your response to "I'm looking to get something framed."
"Well, You come to the right place" isn't terribly funny as an ice breaker.

Why do you feel as if you have to be funny? "You've come to the right place" seems like a pretty good response to me. It's professional and reassuring.

Women very rarely tell jokes and often find men who tell them boring rather than funny, unless they're professional comedians perhaps. Tbh I'd stick to the day job if I were you and keep the jokes for the blokes down the pub.

Brass wrote: I guess it's more like having a bunch of framing jokes that you can pull up on a regular basis like " I've been known to paint a bit myself. I did the bathroom door last weekend."

I might (or might not) smile politely but inside I'd be thinking... nope, best not to say

Welcome to the forum by the way!

Post by **prospero** » Tue 08 May, 2018 1:11 pm

David McCormack wrote:Isn't it the customers who are generally the comedians!?

Well they say funny things...

"What will you take off for cash?"

"Everything but my earrings."

A lady once brought in a watercolour she had done. It was all crumbled and covered with dark splodges. When I pointed this out
she said "Oh my cat has been jumping about on it". That was funny enough but she didn't say cat.

I had to go into the
back room to recover my composure.

kartoffelngeist · Post by **kartoffelngeist** » Tue 08 May, 2018 1:13 pm

did she look a bit like this?

Post by **prospero** » Wed 09 May, 2018 9:04 am

Well she didn't have the blue hair but otherwise not a million miles away.

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